Reclaiming My Positivity

By Caitlin Parsons

Much like the courageous Maxine Waters reclaimed her time, I have been working on a reclamation of my own for the past few months: I am reclaiming my positivity. It started with Lent, when I decided to give up one physical thing and one mental thing. For the physical I chose to abstain from soda, and for the mental I chose to stop complaining; the former was by far the easier of the two. It took this negativity “fast” to see how much of it I and those around me consume on a daily basis, and I began to notice how draining it felt. I reflected on the people who I enjoyed talking with most, and realized that while we habitually speak negatively, it is the positive people we are drawn to. My husband is one of the most positive and optimistic people I have ever met, and it used to annoy me when he gave people who were clearly awful (it was clear to me, at least) people the benefit of the doubt. However, when I began practicing the same grace, it was amazing how much brighter the world felt. I love being around my husband because his presence is energizing and warm, and after finally seeing how negativity is, I realized that my fast needed to extend past Easter; I needed to change for good.

It has not been an easy project. I have immersed myself in articles and podcasts about happiness and joy, and I am practicing a lot of self-correction. Something I have learned that has made it easier is that when others are complaining, I don’t have to join in, I just have to listen. They say misery loves company, but I think misery really just loves a listening ear. I will sometimes offer a positive perspective if it seems like it would be helpful, but most of the time all that is needed is an indication of support. And if you feel comfortable and it is appropriate, you might introduce some humor to lighten the conversation. Laughter really can cure a multitude of ills, and can help us remember not to take ourselves too seriously.

Some people are blessed with sunny, optimistic outlooks, but many of us have to work at it. So give yourself permission to pursue positivity! Seek beauty, pleasure, and grace, and forgive yourself when you slip back into your negative speech and thought habits. If you find that it feels impossible to escape the negativity loops and it is pervading your life, please know that it is okay to ask for help from a medical professional, a faith leader, or a trusted friend.

Positivity won’t necessarily fix the problems we face, but it is a source of strength that we can refuse to give up. And even if it seems as though it was stolen long ago, we can help each other reclaim it and be revived.

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This Easter season, as we consider the story of the Resurrection, I’d like to spend some time thinking about linen.  More specifically, the fabric that bound the body of Jesus and on which his body lay in the rock hewn tomb in Jerusalem.  I’m not sure why this piece of the Resurrection narrative is so resonant with my heart this year, but as the spring season emerges, bits and pieces of the why are beginning to emerge. 

For context, here is the scriptural description from the Gospel of John regarding the state of the Empty Tomb when Peter encountered it after hearing Jesus’ body was no longer present:

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus’ head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) -John 20:1-9, NIV

The passage goes on to describe Mary’s grief over the missing body, and her eventual encounter with the risen Christ as a figure she does not recognize at first, but quickly comes to realize is Jesus and He speaks a word of wisdom and encouragement to nurture her grieved heart.  But the bindings are the thing that have stayed with me, and the more I sat with that, the more I realized it felt deeply connected to and with our work.  As this project persists, again and again it seems the heart of what we do is to advocate for the continued practice of real, incarnate Christian community and gathering amidst an increasingly inhospitable climate.

Last week I was sent links to articles about “downloadable” Communion, religions using robots to connect with the public, and a compelling article from the Atlantic about the slowly revealed fallacy among Millenials that work has replaced religion as the  place they’ve been taught to go for fulfillment, purpose, and connectivity.  Some days the onslaught of information about how lost we seem and how deeply the church seems to flounder in this time of seismic cultural change is downright depressing.  And then I consider the linen.

Jesus’ body, entombed, was bound by strips of cloth.   Like those strips of linen, who are we and what are we to do in order to hold the body of Christ?  As Christians charged with holding together the legacy of one man’s radical life and love, what is our job?  This spring I’ve been more and more convicted that at the most basic level, our job is to keep this body bound by remaining interconnected.  Gathering in the flesh.  Checking in on each other’s lives, and encouraging one another.  When God’s kindom has come, our work will be done and, like the strips of linen, these practices can fall away.  But only then.  Until that time, our job is to be together in whatever way we can find.

The ways we’re practicing that this spring in the Collective are by holding space for food and conversation, which we’ve done twice this spring and will do twice again this summer.  These Communal Dinners are not “checking up” on each other’s work, they are times to rejoice together and sometimes commiserate, but most importantly, they are times to be and do the thing that we want to call into the world, that is, a refreshed and re-committed way of being God’s church in the world for generations under-served or under-represented in many church settings, and hopefully, generations to follow.

One other way we’ve practiced this commitment is through communal song.  In our first 787 Studio event in early April, thirteen people gathered on a warm spring night in Shelton Chapel to be led in song by the fantastic song leader Josh Blaine.  Josh heads the organization Finding Our Voice and leads community song circles every two weeks in the Capitol Rotunda.  It was one of the first warm days of spring, and by 7 pm when we started, the chapel felt warm and a little stuffy.  So we opened the doors wide on every side.  As we sat in a circle at the front of the church by the altar, bit by bit our souls loosed by the power of pure song, with no books, sheet music, or accompaniment, that sort of spiritual magic that happens when people gather in earnest and make themselves vulnerable began to occur.  The heat of the day gave way to a cool night, and a breeze picked up.  Some people walking by the chapel stopped to listen. The breeze grew into a wind that we could hear and feel.  Something about being there, singing with the doors wide open, felt a little wild, a little edgy, and also, somehow, exactly right.

Image by Steve Norris from Pixabay

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Name: Betsy Appleton
Age: 35
Relationship to the Collective: Team leader for First English Lutheran Church.

Describe the event in three sentences or less: This was a celebration dinner to mark the “end of the beginning” of the work of the 787 Collective. Most groups are wrapping up their formal discernment processes at this point. We met to enjoy a meal, learn what shape others’ projects are taking, and celebrate the ways we will connect with 20somethings through the continuing work of the 787 Collective.

What did you notice during or about this event? I noticed that all of the projects described were unique, which is remarkable since we all followed a common process.

What impacted you the most? I was struck by how well the conversation prompts provided worked to facilitate more depth in conversations. Although I genuinely enjoy talking to people about Big Ideas, Wicked Problems, and the things that are meaningful in their lives I tend to be reticent and unable to ask questions that could be personal, out of fear of offending someone. This was well managed by the question prompts.

What impacted you the least? I was disappointed I didn’t get to try the delicious-looking vegetables I (gladly!) left for the non-meat/non-dairy eating folks to sample first.

What about this event struck you as spiritual and/or carried spiritual significance for you? As I noted above, I really enjoyed the conversations prompted by the questions we were given.

What new or next thing, if anything, did this experience inspire you to do/be/or try in the future? I realized through the dinner conversation that I have not taken much time these days for contemplation and prayer. It is easy for anyone to crowd out room for this sort of practice, and I need to carve out a bit more time for that.

Name: Evan Hearn
Age: 25
Relationship to the Collective: Young Adult Advisor

Describe the event in three sentences or less: Local congregation leaders, the leadership of the 787 Collective, and Young Adult Advisors came together for an evening. We broke bread, mingled, and listened as the congregation leaders shared their proposals for projects meant to improve their churches’ relationship with young adults in their communities.

What did you notice during or about this event? I noticed an incredible diversity among those in attendance. Men and women of different ages, races, and backgrounds found a common denominator in their calling to serve their communities. This shared calling was more powerful than these minor differences, and everyone had a smile and was open to conversation.

What impacted you the most? What particularly interested me was the diversity not just of those attending the event, but also of the project proposals that were shared. Each leadership team had clearly spent time soul-searching: they had reflected on their church’s relationship with young adults in the community, they had thought about how best to reach out to these young adults, and they had formulated clear means of doing so. Whether it was the organization of dinners with young adults – with the appropriately millennial name of “Sup” –, the invitation to participate in a day of silence and meditation, the plan to offer help with real-world skills to marginalized communities, or any other of the dozen proposals shared throughout the evening, each leadership team had something to offer which was appropriate for their community.

What about this event struck you as spiritual and/or carried spiritual significance for you? It’d be hard to say what didn’t strike me as spiritually significant about this event. To see such a diverse group of people coming together with such well thought out proposals, in a shared mission of spreading a message of unity, hope, and progress, was profoundly impactful. There is something inherently spiritual about a group of people coming together for a good cause, and this evening was a perfect example.

What new or next thing, if anything, did this experience inspire you to do/be/or try in the future? It’s always inspiring to see passionate people work towards a goal: for me, this event inspired me to try and be more creative with my own work, and to think about how I can reach out to others in different ways.

If you want to find out more about how the “In Our Words” series got started, click here.

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Our Young Adult Advisors gathered last week, on the Day of the Dead, also called All Saints Day, and shared a meal. We talked about our favorite and least favorite Halloween costumes, things we needed, and things for which we were grateful. We also talked about people we have lost. We discussed who we would honor on this day of remembrance and what item or image we would bring to the All Saints Day altar. Our dead cannot be reduced to objects or images but they can be remembered through these things. I lost my mom over 7 years ago and I still have things of hers that take me back to her presence. It was beautiful to be in a space that honored that sadness and, in doing so, honored her memory. For my object, I picked a picture of my mom with me and my brother. We are at a Texas Tech football game together and look incredibly happy. I treasure this moment and that time we spent together. My second object felt slightly more raw because it was so new. My friend, mentor, and former colleague, Blair Monie, died from pancreatic cancer two days before All Saints Day and our communal dinner. He was instrumental in my life and in my call to ministry. Blair was the longtime pastor of the church I where I worked before coming to seminary, and he would give the same Benediction every Sunday. Several of us had it memorized and we would talk about it often with our youth. We even made magnets with the words of Blair’s benediction and a splash of watercolor paint. This magnet came with me to seminary and is currently on our fridge. It serves as a reminder to me of Blair’s words and deeds and how he so faithfully lived his life.

Remembering is powerful and so is sharing with others. Why should we embark on these painful journeys of memory and loss? They help us understand each other better! I think they also help us love each other better. Young adults long for authentic spaces and part of that authenticity means leaning into these tender, raw moments and learning from them together. That night, we created a sacred space together, where silence was comfortable, pain was acknowledged, and healing and beauty emerged. I invite you to lean into this space, creating more authentic moments together, moments in which we can lower our masks and learn to love each other better.

Blair’s Benediction

As you leave this place

may the Living Lord go with you;

Behind you, to encourage you,

beside you, to befriend you in obedient ministry,

above you, to watch over you,

beneath you, to lift you from your sorrows,

within you, to give you the gifts of faith, hope, and love,

and always before you, to show you the way. Amen.

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Name: Tyler

Spiritual Object: purple metal-flake Innova Gator disc golf disc

Significance: As an atheist well beyond my “angry atheist” phase & now in my third year living with my wife, an Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary student, in seminary housing, I’ve been rediscovering and reframing spiritual practice, ritual, & belief in my life recently. When contemplating my most prized spiritual object, a disc came to mind, as the disc golf life style affords me many of the spiritual, community-based, & centering highlights that a space like church or a practice like religion might otherwise provide—a support system, communion with nature, ritual, mind/body connection, etc. This particular disc is one I use rarely, as its flight characteristics are quite particular for specific shots, but as it’s a rare disc and so reliable, I hold it very close to my heart. It’s also the one I usually pour water in for my puppy Ginny to drink during rounds. I nearly lost it the other day, accidentally leaving it behind in a hole; luckily the group behind me returned it, a bright tick in the day.

Name: Audrey

Spiritual Object: hand-carved piece of pottery (pictured in photo)

Significance: I started taking pottery classes, learning how to throw pots, during a difficult time in my life. It was very centering for me (pottery aficionados, pardon the pun!). This was a time that I felt distant from the church and was attempting to work through some personal, tough stuff. Miraculously, in class one day, I threw what was my first “perfect” cylinder and my teacher suggested that I carve it. At first I was terrified of messing it up but then I spent hours meticulously cutting into the clay. I made mistakes but was able to morph them into something beautiful. This piece of art helped me reconnect with myself and with what I was seeking to accomplish through the class. Sometimes life/objects/faith/yourself can turn out to be much more beautiful than you ever thought…even after some pieces have been removed. I found my way back to the church, and several years later, to pottery class where I am once again grateful for the focus this practice gives to me and my life of faith.

This opening dinner is the first in a series of dinners for the young adults who will be serving in an advisor capacity. Stay tuned for more updates, helpful resources, and further reports on these gatherings.

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Name: Doug Harrison:

Age: 46

Relationship to the Collective (or the event):

A member of St David’s Episcopal Church 787 team, and lead artist for this event: The RSVP I: How will you respond?

Describe the event in three sentences or less:

After weeks of sending cryptic teaserinvitations (an even a questionnaire), we hosted a threshold-themed interactive dinner that was carefully designed to foster different kinds of participation and engagement.  We held it at artistic home setting none of the participants had been to and placed colorfully lit full sized doors in the front yard. While the environment was intentionally strange, many of the details communicated a sense of familiarity and thoughtfulness, like the graphic “name” tags that used images instead of words in such a way that each tag would only be recognized by the person for whom it was intended because it had images that were specifically meaningful to them.  Rotating teams would finish and serve each course while other participants took turns answering modified versions of the now-famous, “36 Questions to Make You Fall In Love” from the New York Times.

What did you notice during or about this event?

It was striking just how eager each person was to answer what were sometimes very probing questions.  Some people expressed remorse that their question they answered wasn’t as challenging as they had hoped.  

What impacted you the most?

The evening was framed by three videos created to drive the theme of the event – that we were standing at the threshold of being a community.  During the final video (set to the music of P!nk’s “What About Us?”) a few people were moved to tears, and not necessarily people I would have originally expected.  It really seems like we were collectively consenting to move closer toward each other in our relationships. We actually crossed a threshold.

What impacted you the least?

Several aspects of our creative planning did not succeed. We lost musical playlists, had technological failures, failed to print some essential elements of the event, but the energy and courage of the participants quickly demonstrated that what we really wanted to happen, was happening.  Small, butstressful, problems melted away.

What about this event struck you as spiritual and/or carried spiritual significance for you?

Many people opened up about some personal things including their families, struggles and spirituality. Some questions prompted people to share affirmations with someone else at the table and they were quite sincere and carefully worded.  Itwas fairly intimate at times. The best sign was at the end of the evening, rather than expressing gratitude on the event organizers, people were quite emphatically thanking each other and their openness and participation. People took chances and made connections and it really paid off.

What new or next thing, if anything, did this experience inspire you to do/be/or try in the future?

We were already hoping that people who had attended this event would want to take leadership in planning the next “RSVP” event.   Several people expressed interest in doing so that very night. It is a great opportunity for people to identify and use their gifts in a way that gives them joy, while also discerning where we are as a group and how are gifts can shape and experience that evokes a response in those who attend (hence the tagline: “How will you respond?”).   We can produce interesting and engaging experiences using the gifts of the people who show up and we can use them to help people reflect on and respond to what God is doing in us as a group. Meanwhile, we will be practicing discernment through the whole process.

How would you like to see The Collective craft a follow-up or a response to this event or experience?

We have a really unique mix of gifts to work with.  We have a strong spiritual leader that has established a culture of openness, acceptance, and safety.  Members of our team also have knowledge of how to intentionally crafter transformational experiences and not just entertaining events while still relying primarily on the gifts of the people within the group, (and recruiting outside young adults who have gifts that would be appropriate for a particular experience – this is also part of our outreach).   We would like to keep doing more of the same while letting other branch out into deeper discernment, awareness of each other’s giftedness and skills, and I hope we can eventually empower other groups and churches to also think creatively and engage all the gifts of their members.

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